Robert Clergerie Nadou Platform Loafer

Ok, let me just get this out of the way right now—I hate these shoes. Normally, I try to share things in this blog that I actually wear, plan to wear, or at least like. It’s sort of like playing dress up without having to go through the effort of trying a bunch of stuff on, or cleaning up a mess afterward. It’s also fun to hear from readers, either through the comments or on Twitter, who say they like the same things I do, or sometimes even lead me to something I like better. But we all know there are just as many hideous accessories out there as there are nice ones, or ones we’d at least be seen wearing in public. And every once in a while, when I run across one of those, I just have to share it. Maybe it’s looking for a little validation—it’s not just me, right? These are actually hideous. But really, sometimes it’s just fun to point out a designer’s missteps because I can’t believe these things actually get made and slapped with huge price tags. This Robert Clergerie Nadou platform loafer falls into that category.

I actually went looking for loafers. As much as I like the latest fashions and trends, and enjoy seeing the new things designers come up with, I also like to keep a few classic items in my closet that never really go out of style. They may be updated a bit, though. Like jeans. They’ve been around forever, and they’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Even as the cuts and leg widths change, they’re still jeans, and they’re a wardrobe staple. Loafers aren’t quite as broadly popular. They have a sense of either ’50s retro, or ’80s preppy style. I figured with all the other ’80s trends making a comeback—legwarmers, neon, blazers with the sleeves rolled up—it’s about time for loafers to make a bit of a comeback too. Then I saw these monstrosities, and I’m not using that term blithely. They look like something Frankenstein’s monster would wear if he were trying to update his look. Or, I guess since they’re women’s shoes, Frankenstein’s bride might wear them. I don’t know what Robert Clergerie was thinking. I actually like some of his other shoes. There might be someone out there who actually likes these, so I’ll tell you they have a patent leather upper, with a leather lining and insole, but a synthetic outsole. That freakish platform is 1.5 inches, making the 2.25-inch heel feel like just .75 inches. As for me, the only time I’d wear these would be Halloween, but I’m pretty sure I can find costume shoes at a price that doesn’t make me laugh. These will set you back a whopping $629 at Zappos.com.

Budget Saving Alternative 1

Now this is more like it. The Bass Wayfarer is a classic penny loafer, but this one has a bit of a twist—it’s red patent leather. It has a 100 percent leather upper and sole, just like it always has, and a moc-stitched toe, giving it its distinctive shape. The insole is padded, and the heel is a conservative three quarters of an inch, so you can walk all day in these babies. They’re not exactly what you’d wear with a poodle skirt, but I can definitely see these with a great pair of jeans and a crisp white button-down for an updated preppy look. If the red isn’t your thing, but you like the patent look, they’re also available in black patent. If you want to tone it down a little, they still come in all the traditional colors and options: black, navy, brown suede, and the everlasting burgundy. Don’t forget to throw a sweater over your shoulders and cuff the sleeves together in front. Go retro classic for only $89.95 at Endless.com.

Budget Saving Alternative 2

I admit, these are a bit on the unusual side, but that’s what I like about them. And let’s be honest, is there anything Anne Klein gets wrong? Well, I didn’t think Robert Clergerie could come up with something so garish, so I guess anything is possible. But Anne Klein is known for classic—and classy—style, and this Vama loafer is no exception. The shoe has a 100 percent suede upper, with a moc-stitched toe. The vamp is smooth—no penny holder here. The insole is lightly padded, and the heel is just three quarters of an inch, so they’re sure to be comfy. This color is called pink suede, but if you look closely, you’ll see the shoe is actually more pale yellow than anything, with a bit of pink and green thrown into the mix. There’s also dotted detailing that gives it a textured look. These may not be the most fall-like colors, but I like the feminine chic they’d bring to a classic look. If you prefer a more traditional look, they’re available in ten other colors, including a funky snake-embossed pattern. Get a couple of pairs—they’re on sale. They usually go for $78.95, but they’re only $68.92 right now at Zappos.com.