So get this. When I was looking around for men’s flip flops to feature—it’s been a while since I did any guys’, well, anything, so I figured it was about time—I found this nice John Varvatos Button Thong. Not always, but sometimes, I’ll check out reviews for shoes or a handbag or whatever before I feature it on the blog. It doesn’t always influence my decision to feature it here. I like what I like, and a negative review isn’t going to prevent me from putting something on the blog if I like it. I mean, if there are 100 reviews for something that all say it’s the worst thing ever manufactured, I’ll reconsider. I’m not going to tell people something is good when it’s obviously not. So anyway, my point is, I do check out reviews before I write about stuff. I liked these men’s flip flops, so I checked the reviews. There was one on the Zappos site that said something along the lines of, these are good shoes to wear because girls who know brands will see you wearing them, and know that you have a “fat wallet,” so you’re more likely to get girls wearing these shoes. Unfortunately, the review has been deleted from the site. Maybe the guy who wrote it came to his senses and realized how much of a douchebag he was being. I really wish you could have seen it, though. I literally made me laugh out loud. Guys, let me give you a tip: A lot of girls do know designers and brands, it’s true. But when we see a guy wearing a designer or expensive item, our first thought isn’t usually that the guy is loaded, but that he’s gay. Sorry, that’s just a fact. If you know enough to wear a pair of designer flip flops rather than just a rubber pair you got at Target, you’re probably gay. Sure, a lot of straight guys dress well, but it’s usually after they’ve been in a serious relationship with a girl and she gave his wardrobe a makeover. Oh, am I being sexist? Unfair? Deal. It’s true, and you know it. And while some girls may be more apt to go out with a guy if he has money, or they think he has money, most girls will judge you more on how you treat them than how much money you have in your wallet. Get a freaking clue, already. Be nice, be respectful, be a good person, and you’ll attract what you are. Buy a pair of expensive flip flops (I mean, really—flip flops?!) to attract girls, and you’ll get exactly what you’re trying to attract—a shallow bimbo who will leave you when she finds a richer guy she can upgrade to. Good luck with that. Now ladies, when you’re doing that makeover on your man, yeah, consider this John Varvatos Button Thong. It really is a nice spring and summer shoe.
The Varvatos thong is made from soft leather in an easy slip-on style. There’s a button at the vamp, but it’s just for embellishment—it doesn’t actually do anything. The outsole is also leather, so teach your man about scuffing up leather-soled shoes before actually going out in them to avoid busting ass in public. The thong has a half-inch heel, which is enough to give a little cushion between the foot and the ground, but not enough to make it look like girly shoes with a heel. They’re a nice dark brown, too, which makes them versatile, so they’ll go with just about any color shorts, or even jeans. Do me a favor, and just avoid the manpris, ok? Those only work in Paris. Seriously. The Varvatos thong is $349 at Zappos.com.
Budget Saving Alternatives
As I’ve said, I don’t wear flip flops much because having something between my toes is just…ick. It’s uncomfortable, and is just asking for a blister. To that end, I don’t really like flip flops on guys, either. My aversion to flip flops makes me like this Kenneth Cole New York Shape-n Up sandal more than the more expensive, designer shoe. Oh no! What is that reviewer going to do if he wears flip flops to attract a girl, but runs into a girl like me?! He’s so screwed. I say again—douchebag. Anyway, the Shape-n Up (which is a terrible name for a guy’s shoe, by the way) has a breathable leather lining, which is essential when it’s hot out. The sole is rubber for good traction, too. It’s also available in black. The best part? It’s just $98 at Zappos.com.
Now, I don’t know whose brilliant idea it was to name a shoe “Tazer,” but I’d opt for the girly Shape-n Up over that any day. Still, the GUESS Men’s Tazer Sandal is fairly nice looking. It has broad leather straps with not-quite-contrasted stitching. Three tiny tonal studs adorn the side of the sandal, and the rubber sole is textured for traction. The Tazer also comes in black in addition to this dark brown. Get your man a pair of each since they’re only $69.95 at Endless.com.
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