Marc by Marc Jacobs Classic Q Ukita

Spring is finally here, and you’re probably going to be outside a lot more often now. Maybe walking through the park, or around the outdoor mall, if there’s one where you live. You still need to carry your essentials, though, and maybe a couple of extras. Those April showers can catch you off guard, so it’s not a bad idea to carry a compact umbrella with you. Whether shopping, or just enjoying the sunshine, it’s nice to have your hands free, and that’s where a cross-body bag really comes in handy. You know when else it comes in handy? When you’re smuggling snacks into the movie theater. Oh, don’t give me that. Like you’ve never done it. I’m totally advocating it here, and you know why? Because Hollywood and movie theaters have pissed me off. As if it weren’t bad enough that they were charging outrageous prices for tickets, and requiring people to take out second mortgages to buy a small popcorn and soda, now it seems that they can’t even come out with original movies. How many remakes are out there now? Fifty? Five hundred? Every day, I see news about yet another movie being remade, and it’s not even older movies, like from the ’50s or ’60s. Oh no. They’re all ’80s movies! We’re barely 30 years out of the ’80s, and they’re remaking all the classics. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Footloose. Red Dawn. No, really. Yeah, I don’t know why either. The Karate Kid. And, I just read today, Private Benjamin. You know what move studios and movie theater owners? You can bite me. I’m not paying ten bucks to watch a recycled movie because none of you can come up with any original ideas that are worth my time and money, and then paying a small fortune for what actually costs less than two dollars to get the whole movie experience with popcorn and a drink. So yeah, get a crossbody bag, pop some popcorn at home, throw in some Twizzlers and a bottle of Coke, and head over to the theater to watch the same stuff you probably watched as a kid, only new and supposedly improved. This Marc by Marc Jacobs Classic Q Ukita will hold all of that and more.

To get all that stuff into the theater and not get busted, you need plenty of space. The Ukita is 15 inches side, 12.5 inches high, and 5.5 inches deep. See, theater employees might get suspicious if you try to come in with a backpack. I mean, who carries a backpack into a theater, right? But a cross-body bag that passes for a purse? You’re in! The Ukita is made from soft leather, with loose ruching detail. The interior is lined with signature printed satin, and includes a back wall zip pocket and several slip pockets. I love it in this pastel blue, which is perfect for spring, but it also comes in brown and black. If you’d prefer to carry it as a handbag, it has a top handle, and the shoulder strap is detachable. The strap gives it a 19 inch drop, so it won’t get in the way while you’re signing the loan paperwork for your movie tickets. What? Do I sound cheap? Whatever. There’s no justifiable reason for movies and movie theater snacks to cost as much as they do, other than everyone involved is making a huge profit. You know, during the Great Depression, a lot of people sought relief from their situations at the theater. They could do that because it didn’t cost an arm and a leg to get in. They could even see double features for affordable prices. You’d think Hollywood could say, hey, you know what? Times are tough. How ’bout we slash ticket prices, even just temporarily, to give everyone a break and a little escape? No, instead they raise prices and bitch about how people don’t go to the movies anymore. So I say again—bite me. The Ukita costs $498 at Zappos.com.

Budget Saving Alternative 1

Yeah, I know, that’s expensive too. And do you really want to put food and a sweating bottle of soda into a $498 bag? No, I wouldn’t either. But I’m looking out for you. Check out this B. Makowsky Lites Bergen Crossbody bag. Hey, designers. Can you guys decide on one word and stick with it? I see crossbody, cross body, and cross-body. Make up your freaking minds. Thanks. Anyway, the Bergen is made from leather, and boasts a satin lining inside, with a back wall zip pocket. You’ll also find a couple of zip pockets on the front exterior. The top zips closed, so your movie snacks won’t fall out and can be hidden from view. It’s smaller than the Ukita, but you’ll still be able to fit whatever you want to carry inside. This pale green—called aloe—is a great spring color. The Bergen is also available in ice and nutmeg. Get it for just $128 at Endless.com.

Budget Saving Alternative 2

Orange! The yummy color that is all the rage this spring, and the Tignanello Multi Pocket Organizer has it. That’s a horrible name, really boring, but I guess it gets the point across. Besides, with all those extra pockets, you might be able to manage a pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups along with everything else. Ooh, I’d better be getting some of those in my Easter basket! In addition to the pockets outside, both front and back, inside is a back wall zip pocket, and logoed satin lining. The bag is made from leather, and also comes in some other great spring colors—sunshine, cloud, dark turquoise, and aqua. Get a couple of them since they’re only $79 at Endless.com.