The Best and Worst of Star Trek Fashion

In honor of the new Star Trek movie opening today, I thought I’d get my geek on and dish on some of the franchise’s fashions. Over the last 43 years, there’ve been plenty of hits and misses, way too many to feature here in toto, but there are some that really stand out in both categories. Let’s start with the fashion don’ts, shall we?

Where No One Should Have Gone, And Should Never Go Again

The show that started it all, Star Trek, the original series (known to Trekkies as TOS) debuted in 1966 with a small special effects budget, and apparently, an even smaller costume budget. This is evidenced by one episode in particular, “The Gamesters of Triskelion” in which Kirk and other crew members are held captive on a planet by bored aliens. See, in the 60s, when you wanted to make someone look like a futuristic alien, all you had to do was dress them up in silver lamé, and spray some greenish tint on their hair. Oh, and if that alien is female, you also make the costume skimpy, and make sure the actress playing the alien has big boobs. And don’t even get me started on the little harness Kirk is wearing. I’m pretty sure William Shatner bribed TOS writers to get them to incorporate scenes where he got to take his shirt off as often as possible.

Boring, Boring Betazoid

The first spin-off of TOS was Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG), which debuted in 1987. Lately, a lot of 80s fashions have been making a comeback, but let’s hope that none of these make the cut again. So 20 years later, the show progressed from silver lamé, green hair, and big boobs to dark grey, weird hair beads, and big boobs. As ship’s counselor Deanna Troi, Marina Sirtis wore this outfit for most of the first season. Once the show became a success and was renewed with a bigger budget, they were able to improve her wardrobe immensely, and in the second season…oh no, wait. Sorry. The lavender jumpsuit and huge curly mop wasn’t much better. Moving on.

Is That a Banana Clip on Your Face, or…

In the worst fashion accessory category, I give you LeVar Burton who played Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge. Geordi was born blind, but since it was the 24th century, technology had advanced to the point where blind people could wear prosthetics and be not just independent, but chief engineers of starships! Too bad the prosthetic looked like a banana clip. That’s because it was based on a banana clip. I guess the costume budget didn’t increase too much from TOS to TNG. Either that, or Geordi took the idea of keeping hair out of his eyes to heart.

Note to Self: Never Pick Up Hitchhikers in The Delta Quadrant

TNG was so successful, Paramount started creating spin-offs left and right. In 1995, they came out with Star Trek: Voyager about a starship that gets stuck in the Delta Quadrant and spends the next several years trying to get back to Earth. Let’s hope they didn’t bring some of the clothes back with them. Along the way, they pick up a passenger who becomes part of the crew, a Talaxian named Neelix, played very annoyingly by Ethan Phillips. One of the show’s costumers must have been browsing at an upholstery shop because this looks like a couch my aunt bought in 1978. The poor alien didn’t look goofy enough with his weird hair and yellow eyes and spotted skin. They had to dress him funny, too. Or maybe that’s Talaxian camouflage?

And Then We’re Gonna Explore Space, See? Nyah.

Ok, so TOS didn’t have a big budget and sometimes got a little silly with the costume ideas. At other times, they were resourceful. Like the time the Enterprise came across a planet whose civilization was based on a book about 1940s Chicago gangsters. What does everyone wear? Why, pinstripe suits and fedoras, of course! Never before, and never again did Kirk and Spock (portrayed ever so logically by Leonard Nimoy) look so stylish and—dare I say?—sexy. Look at Spock’s face! He could be on the cover of GQ with that smoldering look. Even though Kirk’s hat is a little on the fuzzy side, he makes up for it with those pinstripes. Hawt!

The Heart and Soul of Vulcan

While visiting Spock’s home planet, Vulcan, Kirk gets the honor of meeting one of the planet’s highest ranking diplomats, T’Pau. Apparently, Vulcans were way ahead of their time when it came to equal opportunity employment, and women were just as likely to hold high positions in government as men. T’Pau not only rocked her diplomatic status, she looked absolutely regal with her billowy-sleeved blouse, two-toned, braided hair, and jewel-topped staff. Add to that Celia Lovsky’s stoic portrayal of the revered Vulcan, and you have a kickass TOS character with a lot of style.

To Kick Ass, Or Not To Kick Ass…That Is The Question

All the Star Trek series and movies boasted several great guest stars. One of the most memorable is Christopher Plummer as General Chang in the sixth movie, Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country. Chang was a hardcore Klingon who quoted Shakespeare, but claimed to enjoy it more “in the original Klingon.” Why he had a seemingly Asian last name, I don’t know. But he was not to be trifled with. One look at him would tell you that. I don’t know whether he actually needed an eye patch or not, or if it was just for looks. Either way, the fact that he didn’t wear it with a little elastic strap but nailed it right into his skull made it the ultimate fashion statement, one that said, “Don’t mess with me.” Message received.

I’m a Borg Girl, In a Human World

No list of Star Trek fashions would be complete without mention of one of Voyager’s best known characters, Seven of Nine, played with the best monotone in the business by Jeri Ryan. I guess we can forgive the lack of inflection considering that Seven, as she became known, had been assimilated by the Borg and they apparently extracted her sense of humor when they implanted her with their cybernetic devices. I’d have to say Seven comes in first not just for most stylish costume, but for best transformation, going from Borg Blech to Borg Barbie. Of course, it was back to silver fabric and big boobs, but at least she didn’t have green hair.