Six Celebs Who Trashed Themselves With Plastic Surgery

These days, if a celebrity hasn’t had plastic surgery, they’re in the minority. And possibly not even a real celebrity. Even the ones who seem to turn their noses up at it eventually end up getting their noses turned up. Take Kate Hudson. How long has she had that boy chest? Having a kid didn’t even give her boobs. All that pain and sleep interruption she went through, and she didn’t even get a pair of A cups out of it. And people wonder why I’m not crazy about crumb snatchers. Well apparently, she finally had a boob job. Thankfully, she was smart about it and chose a size that complements her petite frame, unlike some crazy people we’ll talk about in a minute. Then there are people like Demi Moore who keep us guessing. Has she or hasn’t she? She either has phenomenal genes, or an extremely talented plastic surgeon because she looks better now than she did 25 years ago. Note to Susan Sarandon: Don’t ever, EVER sit next to Demi Moore unless you have spent a couple of hours in the makeup chair. And maybe not even then. Anyway, while some celebs come out from under the knife looking like better versions of themselves, others have gone way overboard with the scalpel, or have just been really stupid about it, with hideous results. If you’ve ever thought about having any procedures done, have a look through here before you do it, and maybe that little bump on the bridge of your nose won’t seem so bad after all.

Heidi Montag

Let’s start with the obvious. No, not those things. This: She’s crazy. Absofreakinglutely batshit insane. It started out slowly, with small things done here and there. A reasonably sized boob job. A nose job. Then the pace increased. Photos of her and Spencer wearing masks while on their honeymoon in Mexico so as not to catch H1N1. His showing off the issue of Playboy that his wife posed in. Ok, that’s his crazy weird self, but still. Then she went for broke, possibly literally, and had ten cosmetic procedures done in one day. Chin, brow, several other things, and the ones we can’t ignore, the beach balls she calls breasts. She’s now an F cup with a 5’2” frame, and has said she plans to go bigger, wanting an H cup, as in “H for Heidi!” Maybe she should go up to I for IQ. Would that help?

Probably not because soon after all the plastic surgery, she fired Spencer as her manager and hired a psychic. A week later, she fired the psychic and now represents herself. Underneath all the lunacy, it’s actually quite pathetic because she was a very pretty girl to begin with. Now she just looks like a porn star, blank stare and all. And while she and Spencer made an ok couple before, now they just look mismatched. He would never get a girl who looks the way she does now to hook up with him under normal circumstances. It’s only a matter of time before she dumps him for someone more manly looking…and before we see her in some paparazzo’s photo, facedown, yelling about how she’s fallen and can’t get up. Those things have gotta be heavy.

Mickey Rourke

I’m disgusted…yet I can’t look away. It’s a train wreck. No, not Mickey Rourke’s career, although the same would apply. I’m talking about his face. Can you believe he actually used to be good looking? A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, that is. Like an idiot, he took up boxing, first as an amateur in the 70s, then going pro for a short time in the ’90s. I guess no one told him actors trade on their looks. He got the crap beaten out of him. He won most of his matches, but he was already in his 40s by that time, way past any boxer’s prime. He was hit so many times and so hard that he was left needing reconstructive surgery.

That’s not uncommon for boxers, but then Mickey screwed up again by choosing a less-than-qualified surgeon to repair the damage. He was left looking worse than he had pre-surgery, and needing even more surgery to repair what the first surgeon had done. His face is just ruined. He will never look anything like he used to, and it will only get worse as he ages. Apparently, this doesn’t matter to his 24-year-old girlfriend. Nor does his bragging about having been with 14 women in one night. One word: Ew. The man is old enough to be her dad, and technically, biologically, her grandfather. What is it with these old men celebrities hooking up with college-age women? Oh wait, I get it. The question is, what the hell are those young, gorgeous women doing with those nasty old men?! It must be the money. I’m guessing he must still be pretty well off from royalties for his previous work because I can’t imagine her seeing that face from across the room and thinking, “Oh yeah, I gotta meet THAT guy.”

Priscilla Presley

Remember when Elvis and Priscilla got married? Well, I don’t. They were already divorced and he was dead by the time I came along. But I’ve seen pictures of her when she was young, much like this one to the left. She. Was. Gorgeous. I can’t for the life of me figure out how she produced such a manly looking daughter. Poor Lisa Marie takes too much after her father. In more ways than one. She has kind of a deep voice, doesn’t she? Do you ever wonder if…nah, couldn’t be. Anyway, Priscilla Presley probably would have aged really well anyway, as beautiful as she was, but she had to let vanity take over and try to preserve herself with plastic surgery, only she chose poorly.

Rather than doing her research and finding a board certified surgeon, the way all the plastic surgery Web sites tell you to—what? I have to do my own research, don’t I?—she allowed some guy who probably printed his own diploma and hung it on the wall in a cheap frame to inject what was supposed to be silicone into her face. Well, it was silicone, but it was industrial grade, the kind used to lubricate auto parts. So now she’s disfigured for life because once that stuff’s in, you can’t take it out. Much like a grass stain.

Jennifer Grey

You know that scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off when Jennifer Grey, playing the sister, is at the police station? She meets up with Charlie Sheen, doing a cameo as an arrested, very high-looking hoodlum. Wow, was John Hughes psychic or what? Maybe he’s the one guiding Heidi Montag’s career now from beyond the grave. Anyway, she tells Charlie that her name is Jeanie, but most people call her Shawna. Now, how you get Shawna from Jeanie is anyone’s guess, but maybe Jennifer Grey should have just changed her name when she got not one, but two nose jobs and became completely unrecognizable.

Yeah, she had a big nose before. So what? It’s not like it was grotesque or anything. But if she was self-conscious about it, and was going to have surgery to try to fix it, she should have done it before she was in two of the best known, best loved movies in film history. Apparently, she had one nose job to try to minimize her schnoz, and it was so badly botched, she needed a second surgery to repair the damage. I just don’t get it. You’d think celebrities, with all their money and connections, could find reputable, real plastic surgeons. Don’t they have some sort of celebrity plastic surgery referral network? Joan Rivers could have made millions by now from sending other celebs to the surgeons she’s used over the years. Anyway, the second surgery left Jennifer looking like the soccer mom next door rather than the girl who had the time of her life with Patrick Swayze. Even her friends didn’t recognize her. Maybe she’ll leave things alone now. Although, she is starting to get older…

Bruce Jenner

Ok, Bruce Jenner’s heyday is way before my time, but he’s been in the limelight again over the last few years because he married the former Kris Kardashian, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe’s mom, the matriarch of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Good grief, I don’t think I’ve ever used so many Ks in one sentence. What is it with parents choosing a letter of the alphabet and using it as the first letter for all their kids’ names? Even the Duggars in Arkansas did that with all their kids. How many kids are they up to now, 32? Those people need to chill. They’re going to run out of J names soon, or have to register as their own small town. Anyway, Bruce Jenner was an Olympic gold medal winner back in the ’70s, had his face on the Wheaties box, then dropped into obscurity for a while. I guess once he married Kris and was going to be back on TV, he thought it’d be a good idea to freshen up his face.

He must’ve gone to the same plastic surgeon Jennifer Grey used because his face is nothing like it used to be. The difference is, although Jennifer doesn’t look like her old self, she still looks normal. Bruce looks scary. If you look at his face from just the right angle, he even looks a little like an older woman. I would think he’d be put off of plastic surgery for the rest of his life, but I guess Kim has been pestering encouraging him to get his face fixed, and he finally relented. His new face was revealed on the cover of the May issue of Life & Style. Wow, what a difference! Um, not really. Dude, just stop, ok?

Donatella Versace

Donatella Versace didn’t start out as the most attractive woman. I can sort of see why she felt she needed plastic surgery to improve her looks. But you know what would’ve really done the trick? Some dental work. That is quite an overbite she’s got going on there. Yikes. Doing something about that would have changed the way her entire face looked for the better, and she could have just gone on with running her late brother’s fashion empire. But no. She’s had everything done BUT her teeth. Nose, eyes, boobs, face, all of which seems to have exacerbated her huge mouth and horse-like bite.

The thing is, her teeth really didn’t look that bad before she got addicted to all the surgery. All the pulling and stretching and lip plumping seems to have created the horrible profile and prominent overbite. Way back when, if she had just had a little eyebrow waxing done, and laid off the sunbathing, she might still look human. Let’s face it, the leather-like, sun-damaged skin is not contributing to her looks other than to make her look a little like beef jerky, only not as well preserved.