Ah, celebrities. They’re so dumb sometimes. Whenever there’s a scandal, especially one involving infidelity, invariably some will defend them saying they’re human too and they make mistakes just like we do. Sure, that’s true. But most of us don’t have a gaggle of paparazzi following us around all the time, or sites like TMZ and tabloids like the Enquirer chomping at the bit to publish salacious stories—true or not—about us. But celebrities do, and they know this. Yet they continue to have affairs, wear hideous clothes in public, or in the case of Britney Spears, not wear certain articles of clothing in public. Some of them seem to think putting on a pair of big sunglasses will somehow shield them from scrutiny. Yeah, that only worked for Superman in the comics. Seriously, how dumb was Lois Lane? Superman hid his true identity from her with a simple pair of glasses? Whatever. Anyway, no matter how many celebs get caught with their pants down, more of them continue to make the same mistakes, thinking they’re somehow immune until that very bright light shines their way and they always seem shocked by it. These are just a few, and I’m sure they won’t be the last.
Tiger Woods
Let’s start with the latest and most obvious. We can’t very well have a post about celebrity infidelity without mentioning good ol’ Tiger Woods, can we? When news first broke of his car accident, the world gasped and said a prayer and hoped he was ok. Then it came out that he’d just hit a tree in his own neighborhood. Hmm…was he drunk? On prescription pain meds. Then it was said his wife bravely smashed out the back window of his SUV to bravely save him. Um, from a tree? The car wasn’t on fire or anything. What was up with the golf club? Soon it all became very clear. Apparently Elin wasn’t trying to save him. She was trying to finish kicking his ass because she’d finally found out he’d been unfaithful.
How he kept it quiet as long as he did I don’t know. It wasn’t like he just had a one night stand with a stripper. (We’ll get to that one in a minute) No, Tiger apparently had two five nine eleven mistresses—that we know of. There could be more who are just keeping quiet because they’re hoping to be the next Mrs. Tiger Woods when Elin finally kicks him to the curb. Why has he been hawking for Gillette and Buick when obviously he should be endorsing Viagra or whatever it is he’s taking to keep up with eleven women, twelve if you count his wife. He practically had a harem and his golf game didn’t suffer. I bet a lot of women out there are wondering if they can get their hands on whatever Tiger’s got so they can give it to their man. Wow, that sounded dirty. Heh.
The funny thing is, at least one mistress came out because she got pissed upon finding out she wasn’t the only one. Um, he’s MARRIED. But it was finding out he had another, sorry, several other mistresses that prompted you to go public with your story. Wow, what sterling character. And let’s look at the women Tiger hooked up with. A couple of porn stars, a cocktail waitress, a lingerie model, and the others, most of whom are blonde, just like his wife. Ew. I guess Elin’s prenup states she has to be married to him a minimum of ten years before she gets her millions. They have three years to go. If I were her, I wouldn’t let him touch me even with a full latex body suit on for the rest of the marriage.
Mel Gibson
Remember when Mel Gibson was hot? We have to go back a ways. He wasn’t bad in Mad Max, but he looked pretty damn good in the first couple of Lethal Weapon movies, if you can overlook the mullet. Then he turned into this. What. The. Hell. I mean, sure, all celebs get old, but damn. He just looks crazy here. Oh, that’s right. It’s because he is.
Mel is a self-proclaimed die-hard Catholic. He even went so far as to have a chapel built in Malibu. In at least one interview, he claimed once how sad it was that his wife, as great a person as she is, wouldn’t get into heaven because she’s Episcopalian. But apparently, if Mel’s example is to be believed, all you have to do is say you’re Catholic and you’re in. You don’t have to actually follow the rules or anything. See, after 28 years of marriage and seven kids with his wife Robyn, Mel decided to stray with a much younger woman, have sex with her, and then have a baby out of wedlock, all while he’s still technically married to Robyn. Um, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t Catholics supposed to be, I don’t know, faithful? And not have children out of wedlock? Did I miss something? Did the Vatican change the rules just for Mel Gibson because he’s so awesome? Or is that just in his own twisted mind?
We won’t even get into the whole DUI and Judaism bashing incident. I would very much like to know what this Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his eighth child, sees in him. He’s fourteen years older than her, first of all. He’s married. Already has seven kids. Oh yes, and he’s insane! I’m willing to bet a pair of Christian Louboutins she’s in it for a big payday because for all his craziness, Mel is still loaded. But he won’t be left with much when Robyn gets through with him. See, California requires an equal division of the assets upon divorce. That means she gets half. If he marries Oksana, he’d be smart to move out of California before she divorces his crazy ass.
Josh Duhamel
Speaking of one night stands with strippers, it seems all was not well for newlyweds Josh Duhamel and Fergie. They just got married last January 10, and news of his alleged infidelity broke in October. Now, it’s not unheard of for women to go public with stories of their encounters with celebrities, only to be discredited later. But that hasn’t happened yet with this woman who claims to have had a romp with Josh. I don’t think they’ve been published yet, but she says she has some racy texts on her phone from him. Sure, they could be from anyone, and when a reporter tried calling the number they came from, she got a message saying the number had been disconnected, so who knows?
A lot of other people are talking, though. People who worked with Josh say he was on the movie set bragging about having bagged a stripper. Personally, I wouldn’t brag about that, and the woman I saw being interviewed wasn’t all that, but whatever. Maybe she makes up for her lack of looks by being an acrobat in the bedroom. I never understood why Josh first dated and then married Fergie anyway. She’s ok, I guess, but she’s had so much work done by this point, I doubt her own parents even recognize her.
And look at him. He’s um…yeah…uh…what was I saying? Yeah, he could be with someone much hotter than Stacy Ferguson. So maybe he’s having some regrets? Both he and Fergie vehemently deny he did anything wrong, and claim they’re totally in lurv, and have been taking great pains lately to be very lovey dovey in public. But remember, Josh got his start as a soap actor. That kind of acting isn’t new for him. The buzz has died down a bit, but we’ll see how long this mismatched marriage lasts.
LeAnn Rimes
Male celebrities aren’t the only ones caught with their hands in someone else’s cookie jar. It doesn’t happen as often, but sometimes it’s the chick who does the cheating. Ok, alleged cheating. But come on, we all know the truth. It’s not like LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian are taking any great pains to hide their illicit relationship. He even accompanied her to Times Square when she sang at the tree lighting ceremony, and her husband, Deane Sheremet was nowhere to be seen.
Things seemed to be fine between LeAnn and Deane for a while. They’ve been married seven years, after all, which is six and a half years longer than I thought they’d last, considering they got married when they were 20 and 22, respectively. No one should even be thinking about getting married before they’re 30, in my not-so-humble opinion. So either it was working for a while, or they’re just slow and it took them longer to realize their mistake. In any case, LeAnn did a Lifetime movie, met Eddie, and the rest is history. Or rather, both their marriages were history, because Eddie is also married, and has also filed for divorce.
Actually, in LeAnn’s case, it was Deane who filed. He’s also asking for spousal support. Do you think he really needs the money, or is that just punishment? Maybe a little of both because the only thing he’s done lately is write one segment of Dancing With The Stars. I guess he got pretty comfy letting LeAnn be the breadwinner. While we’re on the subject of money, look at her for a minute. With all the money she makes, she can’t get her weird teeth fixed? She needs braces or something. She’s just weird looking all around, but I think it’s mostly her mouth. Anyway, how long do you think it’ll be before she and Eddie tie the knot? I say six months. And then I give it six months.
